Well. Um, hi!!
It’s been a hot minute, hasn’t it? My last post was in mid October and my last Instagram post was at the end of October. A time, indeed. It’s been an unexpected hiatus of blogging, and honestly? There’s been just no spark to actually do anything outside of existing the last two months. That’s the joys of mental health struggles, right?
Hooray for the Mental Health Struggle
Between my regular depression, seasonal depression and pandemic depression, I’ve honestly been knocked off my feet in the emotions department. My life is literally sleep, eat, work, hang out with a kitten and play Animal Crossing. I barely speak to my friends, rarely leave the house for non-work related things, and generally am just bleak as fuck. The willpower to create content, make things or even just write has been MIA for a bit. However, I feel like I’m pulling through a bit, making a bit of a breakthrough and slowly crawling back to being myself.
I’m not alone when I say that I’m still living in fear, that I’m still holding life to a stop until this ‘all blows over’ — if it ever will. But it’s also given me a lot of excuses to be the worst version of myself; one that has no social interaction, that has become agoraphobic and generally just a bit sucky. Of course, it’s all for the right reasons. I stay home to protect myself, I wear a mask to protect others. I’m triple-vaxxed, regularly testing and being as careful as I can be (I’ve had like three blips of being bad with mask wearing, and they were all entered around alcohol…). But I feel like I’ve given myself too much leeway to giving into my depression; ‘it’s okay that you’re not looking after yourself, it’s a pandemic!’ can only go so far, you know?
Being better for Myself
So I’m probably going to take the rest of the Christmas/New Year break off of socials still. I’m probably going to eat my weight in Christmas food, be merry, get drunk and have a good old time. I will use it as a reset button — staying away from all those ‘new year’s resolutions’ bullshit promises — and be better for myself. Still safe, obviously. It’s still a pandemic, after all. But I need to stop wearing pyjamas 24/7, eating takeaways 7 nights a week and disregarding my health.
Why did I feel a need to post a whole blog post on some self-serving bullshit? Who knows. I can certainly use the excuse ‘it’s my blog, get over it’, though. And maybe just writing out my thoughts and feelings will finally give me the push I need to actually get off my arse and do something about it? Again, who knows.
Whatever you’re up to over the holiday season — remember to be good to yourself!
What I do know is this, my darlings — stay safe. Be good to yourself, whether that’s allowing yourself a break or kicking yourself up the arse. You deserve love and kindness, and you also deserve to be the best version of yourself. Remember to brush your teeth, wash your face and tell yourself that you love you. Because I love you too.
Have a wonderful Christmas/New Year/General Holiday Time, and we’ll see you for a lot more fashion and maybe a little less depression in 2022!
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