Happy Sunday, beautiful people! I hope we’re all feeling well?
Its style Saturday today, but I wanted to take this week to do something a bit different from usual. Most weeks I’m dressing up to the nines to show my best side for you. Especially since I’m reviewing products a lot lately that deserve perfect imagery. However, this week I wanted to show you that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, and that’s okay. So I present some very casual plus size style today!
I mention my mental health on here in the most fleeting way possible, usually a line in my first paragraph of each post. I do this because it’s a really important part of my day-to-day life, especially when I’m not in a particularly great way. Sadly, the last two weeks or so have been in that vein.
I have depression and anxiety, the former I’ve dealt with for a lot of my life, and the latter joined on in as I started to get older. Over the last few years, it’s gotten worse. Luckily, since moving to my current area two years ago I’ve been taken more seriously, and my doctors have been much better with dealing with mental health issues. London is notoriously bad for their mental health services, but thankfully Haringey council is one of the better ones.
A few posts back I mentioned taking it slower to focus on myself – before I was working two jobs, six days and a minimum of 50 hours a week. It was draining, let me tell you. I wasn’t happy, or looking after myself at all. My blogging started to wain, my creativity had practically died and I found myself wondering why I bothered constantly.
In that post on my latest sewing project, I mentioned how important creativity was for me, and how much happier I was cutting hours and changing things around. And I really do recommend taking more time for yourself – although I’m in a funk, it’s been so much easier than before!
I mentioned how I dress up a lot for social media, which is true. I do dress the way you see on my blog the majority of the time, but when I’m in a slump, I just don’t have the energy to look like that. Sometimes my depression and anxiety just makes it too hard to be that perfectly dressed person every day.
So when on a wander with my boyfriend last week, I decided to take some photos of my less-than-glamorous outfit. I had planned on dressing up with my hair done and showing off as I usually did, but the reality is that I just couldn’t bring myself to put the effort in. And it feels a little freeing, honestly.
This day was possibly the best day in two weeks. For some reason my anxiety and depression hit hard, and I’ve not been too well. My sleep is awful, my mood fluctuating rapidly, and don’t get me started on the tears. I dropped some milk and cried for an hour. It’s that irrational.
The weekend was a low point for me – I had such a difficult time going to a friend’s night because I believed I wasn’t wanted. I believed no one would miss me if I didn’t show up. The smallest part of me that knew it wasn’t true managed to push me there, and I really enjoyed my night. But to begin with I was skittish, on the verge of tears and my chest was hurting from panic attacks.
It’s not a pleasant thing to suffer with these things – and it’s so much more common than we’ve allowed ourselves to believe. Talking helps, that’s for sure. And taking steps to be honest with yourself and the people around you is the most important.
There’s no cure for depression. But there’s medication (I take paroxetine which has been great for me for a few months) which takes the edge off. There’s counselling and therapies of all sorts. And support groups, too. It takes a while to work out what works for you. Discuss with your doctor what could be best for you.
I guess in a way, I wanted to do this post to tell not only myself, but others that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay when you’re not a perfect version of yourself every day. And it’s definitely okay to wear your struggles with pride. I fight this constantly, so why shouldn’t I be proud?
Do you deal with depression, anxiety or any other mental health issues? I’d love to hear your experiences and coping mechanisms in the comments.
Have a wonderful week, guys! And remember – you’re loved, worthy, valid and amazing.